Wisdom

Yes, I have been wondering what happened to me as well. All 2 of you that read this probably know me in person and know that life has been full of insane ups and downs recently. The worse thing about it is that they are uncertain ups and downs with loose ends dangling all while giving me motion sickness with all of the movement.

I get my wisdom teeth out tomorrow morning, which means I will be short something that I really need more of at this point in my life...wisdom.

I have been thinking extensively about wisdom, do I have it? If I don't, where do I get it? Is there such a thing as too much? (HA...) God says for those of us that lack it, we should ask God and He will give it to us in liberal amounts. So, my question is, why in the world do I feel so naive all of the time? I certainly ask God for wisdom on an almost ridiculously frequent basis and it seems that everything is getting more complicated by the second.

I know that I am not the only one with this issue. I hear so many tell me about how they are seeking "direction" or "God's plan." I guess getting to the heart of the matter means asking myself a difficult question:

Why am I asking for wisdom and what do I think that means that I will receive?

Am I asking to make sure I am going in the right direction? Sometimes. Am I asking because I want to know what is going on? Lots of times. Am I asking because I know God loves getting intimately involved in my life and loves talking things though with me? Most of the time. Alright, so my motive and reasons for asking are pretty sound. Where it gets sticky for me is in the fulfillment of a preconcieved expectation.

I want to feel and know that I am secure. I want to trust. I want to know things will turn out alright in the end. I want to know that my dreams will come true. I want to know that God is going to use me. I want to know that I am not messing things up with people or with things. I want to feel like I heard God correctly. I want someone to tell me that I have. I want concurrence and encouragement.

Sounds like to me I am seeking more than wisdom and the kingdom. I seem to be seeking to find my place in the kingdom and make sure that it is secure. Upon thinking further, I see that I am not as confident in my place in God's kingdom as I thought. I am pretty confident about my place in His heart, but as far as being a worker for Him, do I have what it takes? I ask for wisdom because I want to know that I am doing it right, that I performing...and if I am brutally honest...earning my keep.

Wisdom is confidence in good and gracious counsel. Wisdom says that right now I am uncomfortable in uncertainty and I want an enemy to fight or a cause to champion. Wisdom say that I need to wait and know that He will not let me fall...oh...and that He wants my dreams to come true just as much as I do because they are His dreams for my life.